Invitation to Build a Sex Room
How to Build a Sex Room
Yes, I stole the name off of Netflix’s “How to Build a Sex Room,” which was an incredible reality series (at least in my opinion) that is still available and I believe is slated for a Season 2 (much to my delight). First, before anyone gets really scared to come see me as a practitioner because I’m so crazy about this sex show, let me explain why.
The show illustrates just how vastly different are sexual identities and sexual likes are as humans. Not one episode features a similar interior design for the room, everyone wants something distinctly unique. There is a common theme in my practice where I see couples make sexual assumptions about each other and about other people. I also have people who fear telling me anything about their sexual selves out of fear that it’s too risqué, but I continue to find it hard to understand that while we accept (to varying degrees certainly) our different skin colors, body sizes, language we speak, talents we have, food we like to eat, hobbies we enjoy, books we read, or movies we enjoy, we think that all people have sex (and go to the bathroom) the same way. It’s simply not true. The amount of variation is incredible, diverse, and gorgeous!
So with my soap box aside, let’s get back the challenge shall we. An exercise I often complete in office is that of visualizing your sensual or sexual space. It’s a little more nuanced than what I can instruct in a blog post, but I will do my best to guide you in written words. If you truly allow yourself to dream, to not limit your imagination, what would your sensual or sexual room look like? Quick - try not to see the whole room at once, but instead follow this list of questions to build it out, but first……..
Close your eyes for a moment, take some deep breaths and get really grounded into your body. If needed, take a walk, do some yoga, or do a meditation. This exercise of visualizing your space only works if you are really in your body because your mind will ultimately fill in a different picture than your body (you will have to trust me on this if you are skeptical, but I assure you it’s true, unless you live pretty embodied and grounded at all times).
Okay now that you are in your body, here are the questions. Take some time to really sense each one before rushing to the next, and again dream, don’t limit. This space would be in outer space (it will still help at the end I promise).
What smells are in this space?
What sounds do you hear?
Without seeing the whole picture, almost like your eyes are barely open and things are blurry, are there any noticeable colors that stand out?
Are there particular tastes you are experiencing in your mouth?
Are there certain sensations happening on your hands?
Now let things slowly start filling in, are you outside or inside, or somewhere else like underwater?
If inside, are there windows and doors, ceilings and walls? ***Remember dream, don’t limit with your brain.
What other furniture, or things to sit/lay upon, is present?
What are you wearing?
Are you alone, or is someone, or others there?
Where are you in the space? Do you stay still, or do you move?
What else is happening around you, if anything?
Keep the picture filling in, notice how you feel, what you feel ready to do, engage in, or what interests you when you get to be fully in this space.